I'd like to say a big, big thank you to those who commented on my last post.
Your words meant so much to me.
And you didn't write teensy weensy comments—
you shared so much, and you were so kind;
you lifted me up with every word.
I think I'm doing better.
No more mucus!
I passed it on to my husband.
He looks terrible.
I'm better in other ways too.
I took these last days
to really think.
all the things I want and value most.
I jiggled them around, and
began to put them back into their
clearest, truest form.
Your words helped me so much with that.
They gave me so much strength.
I realised an awful lot.
Like, page after page of epiphanies in my journal
and thought after thought of epiphanies
shared with my husband.
You want to hear some?
I think I am doing okay at this homeschooling lark, because, I mean,
my kids are really, really happy.
my kids are
crazy for learning.
They want to know so much! Read so many books! Fiction, non-fiction, science magazines, the travel section in the paper, you name it, they inhale it. They ask so many questions! They have just so, so many ideas; they're brimming with Wonder.
It's not so hard
letting them choose
how to learn,
or what, or how.
Because they make their own lives overflow
I think I forgot that as homeschoolers,
and as life learners/unschoolers/freedom experimenters/whoever we are-ers,
my kids and I make "the rules."
There's no one way of doing this thing.
That's one of the tremendous beauties of doing it!
I don't have to sit silently by in our homeschool,
waiting to be called like
a shy kid at the dance.
(together with my kids, or just by myself.
I can privately write ideas down that I'd love the kids to do in the future,
without declaring or imposing them.
I can also write tons of plans in my book to make myself feel better,
then get on with the day).
Like when my kids ask, How'd you do that?
or, How does this work? Or, Why or Where or When?,
I can show them.
Like when my kids say
Mum, I don't get this. Or, I want it to work like this, but it won't!
I can give them a hand.
when I see an awesome website, youtube video,
find something cool on someone's blog, hear of a resource I think they'd like,
think of an excursion we can go on,
a book I've found that they might enjoy,
I can put it out there,
and see what happens.
new things into my kids' days.
I can say,
"Shall we?" and "Do you want to?" and "I'd like to" and "I had an idea!"
without feeling guilty or scared
that the Life Learning Police will break open open the door and say:
It simply doesn't work that way.
I realised I had let in fear and guilt
(and all sorts of "shoulds").
Opened the door and let them stride shamelessly in.
I'd let them try all the porridge, all the chairs, all the beds in my house
inside my chest.
Best to let them go.
to go for a walk.
Through a rainbow, no less!
let the colours
weave into me,
find where the fear had left a hole
and settle inside
I walked through green
and gathered healing,
I walked through red
my power, my strength, determination, and
I walked through
and remembered joy,
enthusiasm, and happiness.
I walked through
and saw stability,
I walked past
and felt mental stimulation, cheerfulness
and could see (so clearly!),
tranquility, confidence and
I stood with grey
(and together we
crouched over him, and my son imagined
his soul watching us)
a calm emptiness,
and a sense of peace.
I walked through these colours
that had pinned me down
And the light came back.