seek and find

You know that saying, "If you haven't got something positive to say, then don't say anything?"

I think sometimes it can be extended to, "If you haven't got something positive to write then…

don't write anything."

Because the negative, if you give it time and energy and light and air can get kind of crazy-like. It can get a mind of its own and try to take you down.


So I wasn't going to write anything here tonight.

On account of feeling kind of overwhelmed. And kind of whiney and mopey. And kind of snappy and cranky and tired and ready to give away a certain Kitten.


But then the thought occurred to me that perhaps I could


find something positive to write?


Reach down, or up, or deep.

It didn't have to be big. It didn't have to be transforming. It didn't have to be remotely wise. It just had to be…Better Than.


Better than sitting in the Overwhelm so long I pruned up.

Better than letting a small, difficult thing build and attract all the other STUFF so I ended up with a log-jam of worry.

(You know The STUFF—we all have it—sometimes we suddenly find ourselves crammed into a small mental room with it. Pushing at you and closing in, like those walls in the Star Wars movie. Sound familiar? It's messy, complicated, and usually too big to fix by simply bulldozing the house. Bummer about that!)


So I decided to find, and write, the positive

even though already in this post I've written and deleted three versions of what tipped me over into the land of Overwhelm…

(…Think Kitten, and 'Days of dealing with Wee Where there Should NEVER be Wee,' and you're close).


So here it is.

The Positive!

Right.

Give me a moment…

Okay.

Wait.

No, I've got it,

Ah.

Here it is.

It was here all along. Waiting patiently, like a dog with its leash in its mouth, standing by the door.


I present to you, my Positive. My Flip Side, if you will.   :)


1. Tonight, from his bed, my boy listing all the reasons his day was great. Because the day had TimeBuilders and music and more music, and home-made pizza and pottery and a movie night in it. It kind of rocked.

2. My boy telling me how his drum teacher kept the lesson going for 20 minutes extra because the teacher wanted to show him something and didn't want the lesson to end.

3. My girl's skin smell as I breathed her in.

4. Tonight, my girl and I trying to decide which of the animals of the Hundred Acre Wood we were. She decided her brother was Tigger, her dad was Winnie the Pooh, she was Roo, and I was Kanga. Yum.

5. Thinking how much things have turned around for my girl in maths. A whole blogpost is due on that!

6. Tonight, my husband saying I inspired him.  (Aww. A beautiful moment.)

and

7. Knowing everything (even the Kitten Wee Debacle of 2011) would somehow be all right. Even if it isn't and can't be all the way all right, everything is and can always be Better Than.



(and finally?

remembering that there is a really big world out there. Big stuff is happening. Difficult and sad stuff. My Overwhelm is small. It's tiny. It's just wee in a corner.

I generally try not to think of bigger negatives to outweigh my own negatives. Our sorrows and worries are real—they belong to us and are valid. But it's true that bigger things are happening outside my walls. I feel them. I am so sorry for those who are suffering. I send my energy, my care, my Positive, to those across the sea.)


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