Sunday, April 21, 2013

guns, love, winter, and braces

We tried to go walking by the beach yesterday between thunderstorms, and got lashed by our first grey autumn rain. The sea frothed and surfers leaped into the waves, and the clouds made a mushy mess of the sky. We couldn't help but laugh, the four of us, striding in that wet, together.

And they caught the Boston bomber yesterday and people were alternately weeping and cheering in the streets.

My son ate his thousandth cup of soup last night. He is into day five of braces. They hurt, they hurt, they hurt. I would gladly take his pain and live it, if I could. But I can't, so all I can do is lie beside him at night and tell him stories at 3am, as I did on night one, when he couldn't sleep for pain. Sometimes that's all you have—your stories, your love, your closeness.

I have entered a debate on gun control, it seems, in this blog. I suppose if you bring up a subject, you engage. So I guess I am engaged. But only so far as it's healthy for me, and my family to engage…At some point I move away to make soup, to sit with my son and watch movies on the couch with him and give him pain relief. Last night the four of us played Pictionary at the dining table, our heads bent over the paper, and we laughed 'til we cried. I move away from the debate, but also move closer…to send good wishes and peace to those who feel differently from me.

Both sides of the gun control debate have solid statistics at hand to argue their point. They have history to back them, and essays and quotes from famous people. Both sides have real-life stories, tragedies, heart-wrenching and affirming tales to support their side. With a debate like this comes strong emotion. And strident rhetoric. And tears. With a debate like this, with every decision and news story, you have weeping and cheering…in the streets, on couches, by hospital beds. With a debate like this, there can be no winner. You just have lives, affected.

So I am sending love to those affected by violence. In Boston. In Syria. In my own home town. I am sending my beliefs out into the ether. I believe in conversation and community. I believe that we can be collective guardians of the world. I don't believe things are "bad" or "good" or that "evil" exists. I don't believe in "us" and "them." I think violence comes through a chain of choices and circumstance, people let down, led astray, feeling there are no other options. I believe violence can be met by a wall of peace.

I believe the focus of society should be on creating the most compassionate community. I don't think we have to be docile or passive: I think we can be alive and alight with our kindness, our empathy, our passion for non-violence. I believe we can sit on buses and be conscientious objectors. We can stand at microphones and have dreams that inspire nations. We can listen to and help those who are frustrated and unwell. We can be inspired by those who seek and have sought Peace. Love. Equality. Understanding. We can sing, and speak out, and protect our children—we can change the world.


I am a pacifist. I am a mother. I am an informed, gentle, global citizen. I am happy to debate, but I  know where I would debate, if I could choose. Not in a town hall at a podium, with notes in my hand. I wouldn't stand or sit opposite my opposition, shaking my fist. I would rather not be behind the computer, writing words to people who don't agree with me, but instead sitting together—mother beside mother, person beside person—at a kitchen table, or side by side on the couch. I would have our hands curled around cups of tea. I would have us talking and listening. Talking, and listening.


Sun is out today. I think we're going to the local markets; they're held at a little school that overlooks the sea. Music is always playing. We will be together. The sea will probably be an impossible, perfect  blue.






11 comments:

  1. This is beautiful Helena, as always. First of all, I so hope your boy is feeling better. I know how badly braces can hurt. Anything 'teeth' related can be painful. I missed the 'gun control' thing you are talking about and will go back to see what you meant. I have a feeling your views are very similar to mine. I loved what you said about "Mother to Mother" ...

    As always it is so strange to read about your autumn as we are in our Spring. Happy day my sweet friend. Beautifully words...

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    1. Thank you, Karen, dear friend. It is so lovely to see you here! I do feel like everything comes down to people, just people, living this planet together, and trying to co-exist well. And there's so much we have in common, so many points where we are the same.

      Yes, it is funny having opposite seasons, isn't it? Though I have to say, our autumns are pretty easy. We walked on the beach yesterday, and the sea was gorgeous, the sun was warm, and afterwards my boy ate real food for the first time in days! It was a lovely day all 'round.

      Sending love to you and Kei as you skip, dance, and sing through Spring! :)

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  2. Oh Helena, your writing is beautiful as always and captures my heart. I too missed the gun debate on your blog, but would aspire to a world without violence and cruelty. I love what you say about creating a compassionate community - change starts within us all - we do have the power to collectively make small differences that add up and up. Also, hope your boy is feeling a bit easier - ouch, braces can hurt. Hurray for the power of distraction and stories and love. Peace and hugs, Lou xx

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    1. Thank you, so much, Lou. Yes, and yes, to collectively making changes, and believing in the power of even the smallest voices, smallest changes, the simplest, kindest acts. I love that my words resonate for you—that makes me feel very blessed.

      And yes, my boy is feeling much better, finally! So much peace, and big hugs, back to you :)

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  3. I hope you were not offended, Helena. I rather enjoy a vigorous debate.

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    1. I wasn't offended at all, Deb. Seriously—not even a bit. I have been looking up many of the things you referenced and learning a great deal about the "other side" of this debate (actually, other SIDES; there are so many). I have always believed you can't argue any point of view well if you don't understand the opposite of how you feel. I talk about this with my kids all the time.

      So, while I didn't necessarily enjoy our debate :) , I valued it and learned from it, and that's what matters, to me. Thanks for your comment here, too. :)

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  4. Allie gets her braces on tomorrow morning at 9am. I work 10 hours a week, 6 on Monday and 4 on Tuesday and I took off this week. I was feeling like maybe I was making too big of a deal...until I read this. Is it terrible that I am thankful that you shared this so that I feel understood by having told my boss I can't work in advance, in preparation for my girl to be in pain? My braces were very painful. My plan is to spoil her with smoothies and fro-yo and milkshakes this week. I so hope that your son is feeling better soon!!

    I love that bottom photo and hope to one day get to Australia!

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    1. Not terrible at all, Theresa! I am so glad my words have helped your resolve to stay home with your girl. We chose to do the braces during the holidays, so my boy didn't have any classes to go to, or places he had to be. Four days on the couch and lots of movies, and smoothies and soup! But yesterday, he ate real food for the first time since his separators went in, and he has been munching on lots of solid (but not crunchy!) food since. So we've turned the corner! No pain relief for two days either. So it's been hard, but the great thing is, the pain passes, and that's what we thought of when the pain was worst. Good luck to Allie, and I hope you have a beautiful time spoiling her! (We had some really cosy times on the couch, my boy and I—LOTS of love and togetherness.)

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  5. Braces...soup and more soup...and for me it was umpteen cups of yoghurt all those years ago...sympathies for your boy.
    Compassion, mother to mother, person to person, listening and talking. Yep, I'm there with you.

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    1. Thanks so much, Jackie—for your sympathy, for being there with me, for your energy. Things are already looking up for my boy, and I feel so much light and goodness from speaking how I feel, for mindfully trying to walk a path of love and compassion, that the days are actually kind of beautiful right now. (But I AM quite tired! It takes a lot of energy to be on soup, movie and cuddle call for this many days!)

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  6. Hello, Hon. I hate it how life makes me too busy to visit people's blogs I care about. You sound... peaceful. You sound happy. :) Hope you enjoy the day today and get lots of sunshine and laughter.

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I love hearing from you! Thank you for your heartfelt, thoughtful responses—they lift me, and give me light.