Wednesday, August 29, 2012

a hopeful heart and a song

This morning I walked by the beach

and although I am better for the most part today I wasn't, quite. Today, I walked by the beach and I started with fear held close to my chest and some tears might have come and I walked and thought, When will the walking work? When will the sea come and pluck the worry from my ribs? When will I make like the sun and rise determinedly from out of the water? When will my skin notice the light and drink it in?

I walked and walked and kicked the sand hard down with my feet and I thought,

It's not working and it'll never work and I could feel my chest aching and at some point I looked up and looked around, as my body kept moving forward and forward.

At some point I saw the beach pool and the blue water inside it and outside it

and at some point I noticed the tide was really low and I saw how the rocks were exposed and mossy-green.

And at some point, I don't know when,

maybe when I stopped watching my fear like it was a trapped bird,

I began to see rocks in the sand. And they were smooth and flat and round and perfect

for skipping.

At some point, I reached the part of the beach where I needed to turn around and head home

to my children and my husband and the day

and I had all these rocks in my hands.

Perfect for skipping.

I stood by the water's edge and I waited 'til that moment between waves when the sea

was calmest.

And I spun those rocks in.

And the rocks danced on the water.

One caught air so big, I couldn't help myself.

I whooped out loud with joy.





Tonight, I thought of this song.


It's not about rocks or skipping or the sea or even about how walking lifts me always. It simply makes me happy…which is a small, good thing, don't you think? 

4 comments:

  1. Beautiful song, Helena. It is so easy to lose sight of how incredible we are, how intricate, complex and fragile. Music is so powerful, and that we can experience such joy from songs that reach out to us is simply wonderful. I have been on the edge of late, treading the fine line between an even keel and falling overboard. I find music to be a powerful mood stabiliser too. Hugs to you. xx

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  2. Your writing is beautiful and encouraging. Thank you!

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  3. Beautiful writing and beautiful you. Your ability to see all the gorgeous, amazing things inspire me so. I would have loved to see you 'whoop with joy'. Hugs

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  4. Boa tarde! Adorei seu trabalho.
    Emocionante.
    abra├žos
    vera portella

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I love hearing from you! Thank you for your heartfelt, thoughtful responses—they lift me, and give me light.