and although I am better for the most part today I wasn't, quite. Today, I walked by the beach and I started with fear held close to my chest and some tears might have come and I walked and thought, When will the walking work? When will the sea come and pluck the worry from my ribs? When will I make like the sun and rise determinedly from out of the water? When will my skin notice the light and drink it in?
I walked and walked and kicked the sand hard down with my feet and I thought,
It's not working and it'll never work and I could feel my chest aching and at some point I looked up and looked around, as my body kept moving forward and forward.
At some point I saw the beach pool and the blue water inside it and outside it
and at some point I noticed the tide was really low and I saw how the rocks were exposed and mossy-green.
And at some point, I don't know when,
maybe when I stopped watching my fear like it was a trapped bird,
I began to see rocks in the sand. And they were smooth and flat and round and perfect
At some point, I reached the part of the beach where I needed to turn around and head home
to my children and my husband and the day
and I had all these rocks in my hands.
Perfect for skipping.
I stood by the water's edge and I waited 'til that moment between waves when the sea
And I spun those rocks in.
And the rocks danced on the water.
One caught air so big, I couldn't help myself.
I whooped out loud with joy.
Tonight, I thought of this song.
It's not about rocks or skipping or the sea or even about how walking lifts me always. It simply makes me happy…which is a small, good thing, don't you think?