It's hard to have SO many words rocketing about inside my brain
and find I don't have, or take, the time to write them down.
It's easy to spend the time I have, instead,
with my two incredible, beautiful, laughing, interested, excited, talkative, supportive, sensitive, kind kids.
It's hard to miss a man for two weeks,
to talk to him via computer and have him be so close
and yet so very very far away.
It's easy, so easy to look forward to him coming home.
In just 12 hours.
It's hard to have adventures, the daily kind and the more adventurous kind, and not write about them here (yet).
It's easy to have the adventures :)
It's hard to love a kitten who causes so much trouble.
It's easy to love a kitten when she can't decide whether to sit on your daughter's lap or yours, so she chooses both.
It's hard to miss a homeschool camp because you're fixing (or trying to fix) a kitten's mess.
It's suddenly, surprisingly, easy to accept this, and not miss what you can't have.
(How did I find clarity and peace about this, when through my whole history I hardly ever have? I'm not sure. Perhaps it's because in the moment of cancelling going to camp, I sat on my ruined carpet, beside my dog and I allowed myself to cry.
And then…? Well, I guess, I got up.
And hung out with my incredible, beautiful, laughing, interested, excited, talkative, supportive, sensitive, kind kids.)
It's hard for me (sometimes/often), to keep up with people's blogs and comment and be there for online friends who have been there for me.
It is easy, when I do go visit my friends' words,
to read and be inspired through and through.
(And tonight one friend both inspired me and gave me a link to a band I instantly fell in love with. A band I'm listening to as I write these very words. Thank you, MJ!).
It was hard, to not be with my husband as he visited a particular friend while overseas,
a friend I would give so much to see, to hug and laugh and laugh with.
So here is another hug, and another, sent across the sea to you, dearest Jennifer.
It is easy to love this friend.
It is easy to love my friends. Friends so far, friends so close. All.
It is easy to breathe in.
It is easy to watch the dog sleeping.
It is easy to go upstairs to lie beside my kids, curl up close and hear how much they love me, and say how much I love them.
It is easy—strangely/beautifully—to accept
…all the Busy
of a man being away and a kitten being crazy and the shopping, the cooking, the cleaning, the laundry, the going to and fro and
…the quiet of night,
and all the seconds between my seeing him and my seeing him.
Because I will see him.
Because Busy can and does bring such joy.
Because Hard is just one feeling among many (Delight. Serenity. Grief. Love) that I will pass through.
It is easy to let music hold you.
It is easy, in this moment,
to simply Be.
This song is just stunning, isn't it? I loved the sound of it, and now that I've finished writing, I'm actually listening to the lyrics. My goodness. My goodness.
And it's all so good! The good, the bad, the crazy, the missing, and the reuniting, and BEST OF All, the kind sweet energetic kids!
ReplyDeleteGood stuff, even the pee pee kitty!
sort of!
:>)
You are right...things are so hard and sometimes so easy. I think you already know what people spend forever learning. I know your sweet kids bring you such blessings.
ReplyDeleteHope your hubby is back with you all by now. Hugs dear friend.
Oh my gosh, I LOVE that song!! Love it.
ReplyDeleteI love that song too!
ReplyDeleteI know where you're coming from with keeping up with online friends. As that list expands for me, I find myself getting more and moreI frustrated at not being able to keep up with it all. But I've come to realize that we all have a lot of people we like to keep in contact with online, and we all can't keep up with them all the time. And that's ok. I don't get hurt now when people don't respond to me for awhile because I understand that family life and your daily adventures are the more important things in life. And if they are really friends, they others will still be there waiting. BTW, your post, actually your poem, really, was absolutely beautiful.
ReplyDeleteBoy have I missed reading your words. I relate so well to this post. The fragility and the power of each moment that passes. You capture is so well with your words that dance and bounce around in your head :). I have found it very hard to visit bloggy friends lately. Very hard to blog period. And it's not because life isn't good or full and it isn't because I have nothing to say. It's that when life happens so fast, I am finding a need right now to live in it, and not think too long on it. The more time I spend thinking too much, the more time I lose on the beautiful things that flutter by. I have been thinking about writing a post on this, and I think you have inspired me to actually try writing it. Thank you dear friend, and I am so happy that you love that song :).
ReplyDeletexo