You know what for :)
Second (but really, an equal first), I just read Kelly's post about a particularly wobbly day. I so appreciated her honesty and openness about not always getting it "right," about feeling uncertain and panicky. How lovely to read her words during a time I've felt particularly unsure and overwhelmed. (Words I could then tack on to all your supportive, lovely comments from my last post.)
One of the things that has felt hardest recently is the simple Getting To Places.
I'm not sure how I did it when we were at school, but I remember the tightness in my chest. Having to find the uniforms, prepare and pack the lunch, make sure the homework was in the bag, and the constant sense of "We'll be Late Late Late!". That tightness is with me a lot of the days now and I am seeking some way of letting some things go. Or, if that's not possible, moving towards an Acceptance of what simply Is.
I counted and my boy has 10 separate commitments or obligations to get to per week. That's the minimum, before visits with friends, trips to the library, concerts, sewing lessons, excursions, or frolics on the beach. Is it me, or does that seem like an awful lot??
The other day I got very flustered. The kids were supposed to be somewhere at 8.45 but at 8.30, having been told they needed to get up early, and with clocks in their rooms, they still hadn't left their snuggly beds and books. I got cranky. I said Cranky Mum things. You know the kind, where you use words like "Always," and "Never" and "Aaaaaagh!" Statements that are almost as unproductive as "Please Get This Day Off Me."
That night, as the dust was settling on the day, and I was saying good night to my boy, I apologised to him for being such a grump.
And this is what he said:
"Mum, you don't need to be sorry. You had a good reason to be cranky. Please don't apologise every time you get cross. You were right."
And then he wrapped his arms around me and hugged me 'til it was time to go.
Oh, the tears welled up.
Because I am
blessed, blessed, blessed.
10 things does seem like a lot! We don't have many outside things - chess club, meet up with local homeschoolers - that's about it and that's the way I like it!
ReplyDeleteLast year was soooo stressful - too much cranky mum talk and I think all of our health (physical and mental) suffered as a result of rushing, rushing, rushing. Being a teacher didn't help either! We are much healthier and happier this year.
And I think it's OK (or normal, at least) to be a bit cranky when you are the one who is responsible for getting organised and no-one else is helping you. Your boy is smart :-)
It sure is hard being the manager of the home. The feeling over total overwhelming loss of control sneaks up on us, and catches us by surprise. We crash. We cry. We apologize. We are apologized to. Sometimes we adjust. Or we refine. Or we re-evaluate. Through it all we grow.
ReplyDelete"Please Get This Day Off Me"- Love it!! I so know that feeling.
ReplyDeletePersonally, I couldn't cope with 10+ things for one child. Don't forget that you are an Important Person in your household too. If you become too tired and too overwhelmed, you could become sick. It's okay to say "No" or "not at this point in time" sometimes or to ask them to choose which to keep and which to let go. Even the most loving, beautiful children will take you for granted if you never tell them how difficult it is for you to do it all.
It's a lot!! It's wonderful to embrace opportunities. It's also OK to let some go. Some seasons we need to let our lives lie fallow for a while, let the soil replenish...
ReplyDeleteWow 10 things IS really a lot! I would be going nuts. When we first started to homeschool we also had far too many commitments and eventually I went right in the opposite direction till we had none. Burn out!
ReplyDeleteI have enjoyed the break but we plan to start up with a bit more (not quite as much) in the next term. I am hoping that the boys are now older they can go off to some things without me, therefore leaving me a little time out. Ahhh one can only dream hey? :-) Big hugs lovely, hope you manage to get some rest in between all that running about. xoxox
Wow, I thought I had a full schedule! 10 things is a lot! And your boy is so very mature and sweet. We just dropped one of the classes and I'm feeling a whole lot better even though it didn't get to the point of overwhelming but could have been on the verge of being....overwhelming. This juggling thing is hard!
ReplyDeleteSome of the best lesson we teach our children were those we never meant to. I never meant to teach them compassion by letting them see me become overwhelmed. I never meant to teach them kindness by letting them help me when I am sick. And I never meant to teach them what a true apology is by a mom's "I'm sorry about today" good night kiss. Some of my greatest successes as a mother grew from my biggest short comings as a woman.
ReplyDeleteYes, you have done very well!
Thank you so much. I am SO incredibly grateful for your comments here!
ReplyDeleteThank you, Ingi, Jessica, and Joanne (and I'm glad I made you laugh, Joanne!) Thank you Karisma (yes it feels quite a bit like the dreaded burn-out), thank you Melissa, Joyful Learner, and Misty (mlb).
(and Misty—I didn't think of it the way you described. Wow I HAVE been a clever mum recently, haven't I?:) )
It's amazing to feel so supported, and like you've all been there too, in your own way. Truly, it feels like every single one of you has a hand on me, and are gently lifting me out of the murk. Thank you.
10 things are so much Helena. I know EXACTLY what you mean, how you feel. I hate Cranky Mom too. She is not a happy person to be around. But it is frustrating. I don't know how in the world I ever managed when Kei was in school. Your boy is so awesome. What sweeties they are.
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