Thursday, August 4, 2011

in the creeping

The days are beautiful

and then the night comes.

And with

the creeping dark,

come the worries

and the sense of something Not Right.

Not just for her,

my small girl,

(and we have tried so much, to help, to fix, to heal, to lift the nightcloud that threatens sometimes to swallow her whole. Some nights are easier than others. I have to believe it will get better in time.)

but for

me too.

I don't write so much about it here.

About the dark or the cloud or the load that comes creeping sometimes,

when I get overwhelmed.

When I don't know the answers.

When I am afraid.

When I feel like I've failed.

When I'm not sure I'm helping my kids, being a good parent, being a great homeschooler, being a fine and fearless Me.

I try to breathe, instead.

Wait for the light.

Keep it when it comes. Pin it to myself with butterfly brooches and pearl-ended pins.

So when

the dark comes, I think, It won't always be like this.

I say it, and the dark shifts. I say it, and the dark can't stick. I say it, and the dark is just dark.

It is nothing

next to the light.


  1. I don't love the dark either & I struggle with the wt of it but I remind myself that it is a moment nothing more and 'this too shall pass'.

  2. I found this beautiful and very moving. Thank you for sharing.

  3. I'm sorry. I was just wondering yesterday how things were with nighttime over there.

  4. Oh I know this feeling too. Or my version of it. Writing helps me to express it; explain it; and find a way to lighten it.

    I'm hoping for sweet, peaceful nights for your girl!

  5. I struggle. I know on facebook and on twitter and on blogs we are all 'supposed to be' happy and perky and the world is shiny and sparkly, but sometimes, and sometimes more often than not, it is dark. And it hurts and it is hard to reach out or share or talk to anyone and it just is alone. I hear you. Hugs.

  6. On the plus side, you know that there will be light - for your daughter and for you. It's when you can't see the light that you should worry. Do we need the dark bits to appreciate the light? Maybe we do.

  7. I love the last 2 lines...
    "It is nothing
    next to the light".

    So true. Here is wishes and prayers for light, glorious light, even in the dark. You and your girl are so dang amazing Helena. Always know that. Hugs

  8. Thank you, everyone, so much. The sun is out, wildly, brightly today. Birds singing, like, everywhere and all around. My girl is laughing. Both kids happy, and flowing.

    The Hard feels so heavy… and then it lifts. And your words help lift it, more than you can know. I am SO grateful for that and for you! :)

  9. …that being said, I actually have no real idea how we'll fix or get through the nighttime Stuff with my girl. Sometimes it seems like we Never will, but then I say, Never is a very unhelpful word! Especially in times of trouble! (A lot like Always, don't you think?)

    We just keep pecking away, hoping, loving, helping, loving, talking, loving, loving, loving. One day, I hope, and dream, and wish, and believe that the nighttime Hard will lift for her too.

  10. I'm so sorry!
    Many, many blessings -and hugs- to all of you.

  11. Isn't amazing how in the depths of the night, it feels like "never" and that you have been doing this "forever"? Thinking of you...

  12. Thinking of you and your girl. This too shall pass, cliche but oh so true. One of my favorite quotes:

    "joy and sorrow are inseparable. . . together they come and when one sits alone with you . . remember that the other is asleep upon your bed."
    — Kahlil Gibran

    much love to you my friend
    xx oo

  13. I don't know if this is what you are talking about but my son used to hget horrible night terrors, have a horrible time sleeping, leg pains, body pains. Night was hard for years. And then we discovered melatonin. A few drops before bedtime and he falls asleep. He sleeps. He doesn't have night terrors. He doesn't wake up every 3 minutes all night. It is amazing.


I love hearing from you! Thank you for your heartfelt, thoughtful responses—they lift me, and give me light.